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Author Topic: Grimm Palatar: Elsewhere Child  (Read 1140 times)

Grimm Palatar

    (06/06/2013 at 00:39)
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E L S E W H E R E   C H I L D

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Character Name:Grimm Palatar

Gender:Male

Age:11

Bloodline:Pureblood
Pureblood/Halfblood/Muggleborn/Squib

Parents/Guardians (Are they currently played characters?): 
Type your response here. Stella Palatar and Keleo Palatar (not currently played characters)

Residence:
Type your response here - where does your character live? Diagon Alley

Do you plan to have a connection to a particular existing place (for example: the daycare)?
Type your response here. Yes

Do you wish to be approved as a group with any other characters? If so who and for what IC reason?
Type your response here. No

Please list any other characters you already have at the site:
Type your response here.

Biography: (100 words minimum.)
Type your response here. Growing up in Godric's Hollow Grimm has already learned of magic from his father who is an Auror and his mother who is a nurse at St. Mungo's. When Grimm turned seven his magical abilities began to show. Small items around him would start floating and every once in a while big items would float not for very long though. When he was 9 bigger items like books would float off bookshelves towards him.When Grimm was at a library one day and a book started to float off the shelf which is normal but this book was different as it started to change from a children's book to a black leather bound book the title was "An Introduction to Spells for Children" Grimm thought "This must be one of those enchanted books Dad told me be about. It seems like a normal book to muggles but to people that can use magic its completely different." Then curiosity overcame his sense of caution and he began to read it. As he read the last page the book started floating again transformed back into a normal children's book and floated back onto a shelf. Wanting to know more about spells Grimm asked his father where to find more books on the subject his father then took him to a wizard library with books on all types of magical things. After reading many books about spells Grimm began to study them and how to improve their power him being a quiet child with no friends didn't really hurt his social standing. A few months after his eleventh birthday his parents moved to Diagon Alley so that they could be closer to work.

Roleplay:
Reply as your character to the following:

Godric Park.

Overhead, the sky was a crisp blue, for once clear of the ever-pervasive spongy clouds and rain. The sun was a lemony-yellow presence, high in the Eastern sky, and in front of it zipped three broomsticks in a straight line, or something very like one. One... two..... three... the boys passed, their shouts of excitement echoing as they chased the snitch, a tiny shimmer reflecting the sunlight.

Far below was another, much smaller broomstick.

It trugged along the ground, hugging close to it like a sluggish choo choo train and occasionally shuttering in protest. This was because said stick was currently being occupied by a very small girl who was tugging upward on the front of it with all her might, trying to coax it into doing what it had been expressly designed NOT to do.

"John, I said wait up!" The tiny girl squealed, giving the broomstick another tug.

Begrudgingly, it drifted upward a foot, and then sank, depositing the troublesome girl safely on the ground. Janey Hurst was not pleased. In a huff, she hopped off the toy safety broom, grabbing it firmly and thrusting it handle first into the turf.

Her brother was such a beast. He NEVER let her play! She folded her arms, seething blue eyes fixing on another figure nearby.  "You!" She barked, much more sharply than she meant to.

"...Do you want to play?"

Roleplay Response:
Type your response here. Grimm's mother had told him before she left for work "Grimm I need you to pick up some groceries for me there is list in here and along with some money." Once his mom left Grimm picked up the list and money. As he walked to the store he passed a park. Grimm noticed three people flying around the park on brooms below them was a little girl who seemed angry that her broom couldn't go as high or fast as the others. The girl kept trying to make it go up after a while of trying she fell off. Grimm starting walking again the he heard someone yell "You!" Grimm turned to see the girl looking at him "Do you want to play?" Grimm not wanting to get in trouble from his mom told the girl "I need to go get some things for my mom but after that I can."
 
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« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 at 03:42 by Grimm Palatar »

Eirwen Medraut

    (06/06/2013 at 05:12)
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Hey Grimm,

Welcome to HS.net! :) Before I can accept your application, there's just a few things that need to be addressed.

Firstly, when magic is starting to show itself in young children it usually does so in one or a few minor incidents. Having a book completely change is considered hard or complex magic in our universe and it is not likely to happen to a 9 year old child, even if it does sound pretty cool! Please edit that to something a little more appropriate. :)

Secondly, in your roleplay response you have Grimm leave the scene completely which, if this was a thread you replied to at the boards, would leave Janey with nothing to reply to. Maybe you can have Grimm simply state that he will leave, or just begin to walk away. In that way you give Janey a chance to try and stop him, or say something to him.

Please also be aware that our roleplays are written in third person past tense.

Lastly, please be aware that I cannot accept your application before you have an accepted special application for the dragon pet. Alternately you can edit your application and remove any mentioning of the dragon for now. :)

Please also be aware that Chinese Fireballs are native to China and are not likely to be found in England at all.

Please address these things and repost your application in this thread. Then we'll be happy to take another look at it! :)

- Eirwen Medraut

Grimm Palatar

    (06/06/2013 at 14:54)
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In the part with the book transforming that was not Grimm doing magic the book was enchanted so that it appears like a normal children's book to muggles but to wizards and people who have magical abilities it changes to what it really was. I will be taking the dragon out because unfortunately the request was denied but the reason the dragon was there to begin with was because it was being hunted by dragon poachers and her baby had just hatched. I will fix these problems shortly.

Grimm Palatar

    (06/06/2013 at 15:57)
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I have fixed the problems and gave an explanation for the book transforming.

Eirwen Medraut

    (06/06/2013 at 16:47)
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Hey Grimm,

Thank you for clearing up a few things! Your roleplay response is looking much better and the bio is also coming along nicely. :)

Please be aware that according to our site ratings, children learning dark arts are not allowed, so I must ask you to edit that to something a little more appropriate. To read our site ratings please look here. Please also be aware that any objects with special abilities requires a special application.

Furthermore, your biography is looking very good, I'm just a little curious about what Grimm is like as a person. Is he happy? Cheeky? Brave? Shy? Does he have many friends? What does he like? Where does he go to school? Etc. etc.
 
Please address these things and repost your application below, and we'll be happy to take another look! :)

- Eirwen Medraut

Grimm Palatar

    (07/06/2013 at 03:43)
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I have fixed the things you put as needing improvement or change.

Arianrhod Medraut

    (07/06/2013 at 04:58)
Hi Grimm!

A quick clarification -- you answered  "yes" in response to the question that asked  "Do you plan to have a connection to a particular existing place (for example: the daycare)?"  However, you didn't mention which existing place that might be.  Please indicate the name of the place or switch your answer so that we know for sure!

Also, instead of editing your post above, please post the entire revised app in a new reply below.  It will help us considerably and make our review more efficient, thereby getting you roleplaying more quickly! Thank you very much!!

Good to have you with us,

Arian Medraut
« Last Edit: 07/06/2013 at 05:00 by Arianrhod Medraut »

Grimm Palatar

    (07/06/2013 at 13:44)
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E L S E W H E R E   C H I L D

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Character Name:Grimm Palatar

Gender:Male

Age:11

Bloodline:Pureblood
Pureblood/Halfblood/Muggleborn/Squib

Parents/Guardians (Are they currently played characters?):
Type your response here. Stella Palatar and Keleo Palatar (not currently played characters)

Residence:
Type your response here - where does your character live? Diagon Alley

Do you plan to have a connection to a particular existing place (for example: the daycare)?
Type your response here. No

Do you wish to be approved as a group with any other characters? If so who and for what IC reason?
Type your response here. No

Please list any other characters you already have at the site:
Type your response here. None

Biography: (100 words minimum.)
Type your response here. Growing up in Godric's Hollow Grimm has already learned of magic from his father who is an Auror and his mother who is a nurse at St. Mungo's. When Grimm turned seven his magical abilities began to show. Small items around him would start floating and every once in a while big items would float not for very long though. When he was 9 bigger items like books would float off bookshelves towards him.When Grimm was at a library one day and a book started to float off the shelf which is normal but this book was different as it started to change from a children's book to a black leather bound book the title was "An Introduction to Spells for Children" Grimm thought "This must be one of those enchanted books Dad told me be about. It seems like a normal book to muggles but to people that can use magic its completely different." Then curiosity overcame his sense of caution and he began to read it. As he read the last page the book started floating again transformed back into a normal children's book and floated back onto a shelf. Wanting to know more about spells Grimm asked his father where to find more books on the subject his father then took him to a wizard library with books on all types of magical things. After reading many books about spells Grimm began to study them and how to improve their power him being a quiet child with no friends didn't really hurt his social standing. A few months after his eleventh birthday his parents moved to Diagon Alley so that they could be closer to work.

Roleplay:
Reply as your character to the following:

Godric Park.

Overhead, the sky was a crisp blue, for once clear of the ever-pervasive spongy clouds and rain. The sun was a lemony-yellow presence, high in the Eastern sky, and in front of it zipped three broomsticks in a straight line, or something very like one. One... two..... three... the boys passed, their shouts of excitement echoing as they chased the snitch, a tiny shimmer reflecting the sunlight.

Far below was another, much smaller broomstick.

It trugged along the ground, hugging close to it like a sluggish choo choo train and occasionally shuttering in protest. This was because said stick was currently being occupied by a very small girl who was tugging upward on the front of it with all her might, trying to coax it into doing what it had been expressly designed NOT to do.

"John, I said wait up!" The tiny girl squealed, giving the broomstick another tug.

Begrudgingly, it drifted upward a foot, and then sank, depositing the troublesome girl safely on the ground. Janey Hurst was not pleased. In a huff, she hopped off the toy safety broom, grabbing it firmly and thrusting it handle first into the turf.

Her brother was such a beast. He NEVER let her play! She folded her arms, seething blue eyes fixing on another figure nearby.  "You!" She barked, much more sharply than she meant to.

"...Do you want to play?"

Roleplay Response:
Type your response here. Grimm's mother had told him before she left for work "Grimm I need you to pick up some groceries for me there is list in here and along with some money." Once his mom left Grimm picked up the list and money. As he walked to the store he passed a park. Grimm noticed three people flying around the park on brooms below them was a little girl who seemed angry that her broom couldn't go as high or fast as the others. The girl kept trying to make it go up after a while of trying she fell off. Grimm starting walking again the he heard someone yell "You!" Grimm turned to see the girl looking at him "Do you want to play?" Grimm not wanting to get in trouble from his mom told the girl "I need to go get some things for my mom but after that I can."
 
OTHER
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Arianrhod Medraut

    (07/06/2013 at 17:17)
Accepted!

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