We are currently accepting new applications for Elsewhere!

Author Topic: Joy Detora- Elsewhere child  (Read 1113 times)

Joy Detora

    (26/10/2013 at 17:17)
  • *
  • Auror
  • C18D10T20S12
  • [1946] Site-Wide Superlative Winner! [1945] Superlative Winner [Winner!] HSNet 30-Day Challenge ['43-'44] Quidditch Champions Player of the Week ['43-'44] Prefect Pick! Player of the Summer
    • View Profile
E L S E W H E R E   C H I L D

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Character Name:Joy Detora

Gender: Female

Age: 10

Bloodline:
Halfblood

Parents/Guardians (Are they currently played characters?): 
They are not currently played, they are like NPCs, they stay in the background as I plan to enroll her into one of the schools when applications open. Names: Samuel Detora and Arianna Macmillan Detora. Samuel is the pureblood, Arianna is the muggleborn.
Residence:
156 Weyard Way. She lives in a medium sized house. It has a backyard with plenty of space for her to run and play, and it is slightly enlarged (cough-living room-cough) on the inside. Her bedroom is the smallest room, and she's fine with that.
Do you plan to have a connection to a particular existing place (for example: the daycare)?
She likes the park a lot because it is close to her house and it has swings. Does that count?

Do you wish to be approved as a group with any other characters? If so who and for what IC reason?
No.

Please list any other characters you already have at the site:
This is my first character.

Biography: (100 words minimum.)
She is the only child of her parents, and they were delighted and doted on her. She nearly killed the fish by feeding it too much when she was three, then let the rabbit loose when she was 6.
At that same age, she began to show signs of magic. She suddenly got a Mohawk(which she didn't like) then turned her room purple(which she did). Her parents gave her a toy safety broom, and though it only hovered a foot above the ground, she hated it as soon as she crashed into the wall with it and got a concussion.
At a young age, she liked reading, and started to deliberate between if she wanted to go to Hogwarts or Beauxbatons. Later both dreams were destroyed when they moved to America at age 9.
She has been persuading her parents to move back so she could attend Hogwarts. She succeeded and that brings us to where she is now, in England, waiting for her damn letter at the age of 10(going on 11, as she constantly reminds people).

Roleplay:
Reply as your character to the following:

Godric Park.

Overhead, the sky was a crisp blue, for once clear of the ever-pervasive spongy clouds and rain. The sun was a lemony-yellow presence, high in the Eastern sky, and in front of it zipped three broomsticks in a straight line, or something very like one. One... two..... three... the boys passed, their shouts of excitement echoing as they chased the snitch, a tiny shimmer reflecting the sunlight.

Far below was another, much smaller broomstick.

It trugged along the ground, hugging close to it like a sluggish choo choo train and occasionally shuttering in protest. This was because said stick was currently being occupied by a very small girl who was tugging upward on the front of it with all her might, trying to coax it into doing what it had been expressly designed NOT to do.

"John, I said wait up!" The tiny girl squealed, giving the broomstick another tug.

Begrudgingly, it drifted upward a foot, and then sank, depositing the troublesome girl safely on the ground. Janey Hurst was not pleased. In a huff, she hopped off the toy safety broom, grabbing it firmly and thrusting it handle first into the turf.

Her brother was such a beast. He NEVER let her play! She folded her arms, seething blue eyes fixing on another figure nearby.  "You!" She barked, much more sharply than she meant to.

"...Do you want to play?"

Roleplay Response:
Joy looked to her right, hearing another girl, about 3/4 of her size shouting at her. She rolled her eyes, but as there wasn't anyone else to play with, she started walking towards her.
Normally, she wouldn't, as the girl looked about 8, but Janey Hurst, which Joy saw was the girl, was just a girl that she saw while she walked home from the park, she didn't really know her. Joy wasn't sure what to make of a girl commanding her like that. She had heard that she had been yelling at John though, and Joy felt like yelling because she had lost her mom's shopping list, and she didn't remember everything on it to write down again.
"Do you want to go after them on the broom or run after them and scream at them?" Joy asked. Screaming was definitely on her to-do list today, and she wasn't going to complain if it was a boy.

OTHER
How did you find us? Google




« Last Edit: 31/10/2013 at 23:59 by Joy Detora »

Ophelie Lecuyier

    (27/10/2013 at 00:26)
Hi Joy!

Welcome to HS.net! It looks like your application is off to a good start, but there is one thing I wanted to address before we can get you accepted. In your roleplay sample, you make a lot of assumptions about Janey and John (that they aren't to be messed with, that they're well-known, etc.) that may or may not be true. This is a form of powerplaying, because it locks John and Janey into a back story that may not be what their players envisioned. Think of it this way: if this was an open thread, and John and Janey were characters you had never plotted with, you (and Joy) would have no way of knowing who they were or what they were like.

If you could re-write your RP sample without adding your own back story for John and Janey, that would be great! Good ways to do that are to focus more on Joy - what does she think of these kids that she's never met? How does she feel about playing with a younger kid? Would she respond well to someone yelling at her the way Janey did?

You can either edit your original post or post a revised application in this thread, and we'll be happy to take another look. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Thanks!

- Ophelie

Joy Detora

    (27/10/2013 at 00:38)
  • *
  • Auror
  • C18D10T20S12
  • [1946] Site-Wide Superlative Winner! [1945] Superlative Winner [Winner!] HSNet 30-Day Challenge ['43-'44] Quidditch Champions Player of the Week ['43-'44] Prefect Pick! Player of the Summer
    • View Profile
I did the edits :)

Collin OReilly

    (31/10/2013 at 15:55)
  • *
  • 42nd Battalion - Captain - Head of Nursing Corps
  • C15D10T13S8
    • View Profile
Accepted and welcome to HS.net!

The Wizard's Alliance
SUPPORTING FAMILIES SINCE 1938

Tags: