Hi Jasper! Welcome to Hoggies!
Your application looks great so far! There are just a couple of things we'll need you to do before we can get you accepted.
First, in our site canon, Jasper's occupation would be considered
unusual. So that means that you will either need to change his occupation, or submit a special request to the administrators for approval. The templates for special requests can be found
here (just scroll down until you find the template for unusual occupations).
There are also a few instances in powerplay (which are defined in the
site rules). First, you wrote:
The man he was waiting for was coming down the street, his arms full of tinsel and a parcel. Jasper’s eyes lingered on the parcel.
This would be considered powerplay, as a pre-existing relationship has not been plotted out beforehand with the man's player. You could say that Jasper was waiting for a random target, and then decide that the other character is the perfect target.
Second, you wrote:
He quickly grabbed the tinsel the man had dropped and handed it back to him theatrically enough to tangle it a bit. Jasper turned as the man fidgeted with the tinsel and picked up his own parcel and handed it to the man, being sure to claim the man’s parcel as his own.
With objects that are owned by someone else (or objects that we are handing back to others, we always need to attempt our actions to allow the other player to decide what happens. In this instance, you could say that Jasper attempted to hand the man the tinsel and package.
If you could make the changes and
reply with your entire revisted application, then we can take another look. If you have questions, don't hesitate to PM me or
another member of staff.
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