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Author Topic: Elizabeth Camery  (Read 847 times)

Elizabeth Camery

    (28/10/2012 at 01:33)
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Name: Elizabeth Camery

Birthday: September 21, 1926

Hometown: Godric's hallow

Bloodline:
Muggleborn / Halfblood / Pureblood / Unknown

Magical Strength (pick one):
Divination / Transfiguration / Charms / Conjuring & Summoning

Magical Weakness (pick one):
Divination / Transfiguration / Charms / Conjuring & Summoning

Year (pick two): year one, year two

Biography:
Elizabeth is  good friends with Ezekiel. They lived near each other before they became of age to go to a magical schools. They barley see each other anymore. Elizabeth's mother used to live in France and now moved to a more modern place. Elizabeth is going to BeauXbatons because her mother did. Her father is a muggle that left them as soon as he found out Elizabeth's mother was a witch. She doesn't like seeing her mother because she blames Elizabeth for her father leaving and is usually mean to her. Elizabeth has no siblings and at first isn't very excited about being a BeauXbaton.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.
Personality:
Elizabeth is a real dare devil and is always getting into trouble because she is doing dangerous stuff. She has always excelled in Charms. She has never been bullied or anything of the sort. She can be sarcastic a lot and talks back to adults because she has always lived with her mother that blames her for her father leaving them. She knows how to stand up for her self and secretly has always wanted to find love.

Appearance:
Elizabeth has black curls with freckles sprinkled on her cheeks. Her eyes are an alarming blue and always looks like she is wearing make up, yet she never does. She doesn't care how people think she looks but everyone thinks she is beautiful and on many occasions she has been mistaken for a spirit.

→ SAMPLE ROLEPLAY.
The dining hall was a loud, calamitous thing. Students sat scattered through the vast room, speaking various languages, laughing, and simply having a gay old time. A group of students towards the front of the hall sat huddled over a pile of sheet music. Black notes melted on to the off white parchment, splaying out a secret language, only readable to those who carried the gift. Another group sat watching a tall, thin upperclassman parading around her new ballet point shoes in awe. There seemed to be a group in the hall for everyone.

Everyone except Hilary, that is.

Poor Hilary stood soaking in the scene before her with a slight grimace on her face. Before coming to Beauxbatons, she had been overjoyed to begin studying magic, but now as she waded through her third week at the school, she felt lost in a sea of strangers. It wasn't that she was shy, no. Indeed, she even tried to reach out to some students. It was more that everyone seemed to already have their own clique, and Hilary felt so very unwelcome in all of them.

On her plate, she fidgeted with an assortment of vegetables and a delicate pork chop. That was the nice thing about Beauxbatons. Despite the many cold-shouldered students, the food was still incredible.

With a hefty sigh, Hilary strode into the dining hall. As she did, she let her mind wander to what life at the academy might be were she royalty. The students would bow at her feet! And of course she would only ever done the most elegant of robes, decorated in sequins, rhinestones, and laced with frills. All of the girls at the school would fawn over the level of grace she exhibited. Hilary would make wonderful royalty, yes that was certain.

Though, lost in her fantasy, Hilary failed to notice the leather bag lying at the center of the walkway. Failing to notice the bag in her path, naturally caused her to trip, spilling the contents of her plate all over the student sitting just beside the bag.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"
Elizabeth looked up at Hillery, Elizabeth girls had her mouth open. The dinning room was quiet. Everyone was waiting for the girls to say something. Elizabeth got up and glared at Hillery while she wiped oatmeal off of her uniform. Elizabeth looked at Hillery, "do not! get near me again!"

→ ABOUT YOU.

Previous Characters (if applicable): none

How did you find us?: a friend
« Last Edit: 08/11/2012 at 02:05 by ElizabethCamery »

Aymsley Trosset

    (28/10/2012 at 06:20)
Welcome Elizabeth!

There are just a few things I'd like to go other with before we can accept your application. Currently the year is 1937. We have just recently slid back in time from 1974. Here is a page with more details. In a nut shell, though the Time Warp is sudden and startling, all characters will begin to adjust and forget that they are from an era in the future. Please contact an admin or Global Mod if you need any extra help understanding this. We will be happy to help you.

Also, make sure you've read the entire writing sample. You are responding to Hilary tripping and dumping her tray of food on you. Make sure you capitalize when grammatically correct and to stay in 3rd person past tense.

Here's the writing sample in it's entirety for your convenience:
Quote
The dining hall was a loud, calamitous thing. Students sat scattered through the vast room, speaking various languages, laughing, and simply having a gay old time. A group of students towards the front of the hall sat huddled over a pile of sheet music. Black notes melted on to the off white parchment, splaying out a secret language, only readable to those who carried the gift. Another group sat watching a tall, thin upperclassman parading around her new ballet point shoes in awe. There seemed to be a group in the hall for everyone.

Everyone except Hilary, that is.

Poor Hilary stood soaking in the scene before her with a slight grimace on her face. Before coming to Beauxbatons, she had been overjoyed to begin studying magic, but now as she waded through her third week at the school, she felt lost in a sea of strangers. It wasn't that she was shy, no. Indeed, she even tried to reach out to some students. It was more that everyone seemed to already have their own clique, and Hilary felt so very unwelcome in all of them.

On her plate, she fidgeted with an assortment of vegetables and a delicate pork chop. That was the nice thing about Beauxbatons. Despite the many cold-shouldered students, the food was still incredible.

With a hefty sigh, Hilary strode into the dining hall. As she did, she let her mind wander to what life at the academy might be were she royalty. The students would bow at her feet! And of course she would only ever don the most elegant of robes, decorated in sequins, rhinestones, and laced with frills. All of the girls at the school would fawn over the level of grace she exhibited. Hilary would make wonderful royalty, yes that was certain.

Though, lost in her fantasy, Hilary failed to notice the leather bag lying at the center of the walkway. Failing to notice the bag in her path, naturally caused her to trip, spilling the contents of her plate all over the student sitting just beside the bag.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"

Aymsley Trosset

    (28/10/2012 at 16:21)
And please reply here with your edited bio.

Thank you!

Elizabeth Camery

    (28/10/2012 at 17:47)
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Okay i revised everything!

Aymsley Trosset

    (29/10/2012 at 01:02)
Thank you Elizabeth!

You're almost there, just two little things and then your application can be accepted.

For Elizabeth to be 11 in 1937 she would have to be born in 1926.

And everything in your writing sample looks good except for where Hilary apologizes again. You are only able to control your character unless you are given permission by the other player. Just remove the part where Hilary calls after her and you'll be set.

Elizabeth Camery

    (06/11/2012 at 01:29)
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done.

Alastair Grimm

    (06/11/2012 at 04:35)
Hi Elizabeth!

You're doing a great job with making the necessary changes, and we really appreciate it! :)

Going back to your RP sample:

You wrote "both girls had there mouths open." Since Hilary doesn't mention doing this in her post, this would be considered a power play. Please change this so you are controlling only Elizabeth's actions.

Ideally you'll want to give Hilary something to interact with in your post. Having Elizabeth glare at her is a great choice! The action of Elizabeth walking away, however, would pretty much end the thread. Mind editing in a little more to give Hilary something to respond to and continue the story?

Some things to consider as you're adding on to your RP sample might be what Elizabeth is feeling, what she looks like (Covered in food? Angry?), and what she's doing (Is she picking food out of her hair or wiping gravy off her face as she glares some more?).

Please make those changes to your RP sample, and we'll be happy to take another look!

Thank You!
Alastair Grimm
« Last Edit: 06/11/2012 at 08:01 by Alastair Grimm »

Elizabeth Camery

    (08/11/2012 at 02:07)
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done

Aymsley Trosset

    (09/11/2012 at 15:12)
Accepted!

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