Welcome to Hogwarts School :: A Harry Potter RPG! It's 1971!

Author Topic: Veralidaine Baeol  (Read 1180 times)

Veralidaine Baeol

    (30/04/2014 at 03:16)
  • 2nd Year
  • C2D2T3S1
    • View Profile
Name: Veralidaine Dow Baeol

Birthday: January 15

Hometown: Lydbrook, Gloucestershire

Bloodline:
Muggleborn

Magical Strength (pick one):
Transfiguration

Magical Weakness (pick one):
Conjuring and Summoning

Year (pick two): First (1st choice), Second (2nd choice)

Biography:

Veralidaine had always been the odd one out. Born in a muggle family, the nearest relation she even had to magic was a long-dead grandfather who had looked at her with pride and boasted to her parents that she was meant for things. That part had always bugged her, he grandfather had just said things which for a young girl was very confusing.
      The first time she had even shown any sort of magic was when she was six years old and had been throwing a temper tantrum when she accidentally gave her stepfather's favorite mug a little rat tail.
      She had been scolded fiercely which made her never want to do magic again. But naturally as time went on, she began to grow curious, asking her mother about her family history in the magical arts, when her grandfather was alive, she'd question him about where he's gone to school as a child, what kind of things he was taught. Daine was so strange, that eventually her family started to drift from her, treating her more like a dangerous animal than their child. These feelings of separation only increased when her stepfather and mother had a baby, who she disliked with a fiery passion.
        After her grandfather died when she was ten, Daine took to animals instead of people, finding comfort in their relaxed presence. She had always had a talent with creatures, and they were always there to help her through whatever difficulties were plaguing her.
        The bullying didn't start until she had begun to separate from human interaction. Naturally there had been some childhood teasing, but once her family practically disowned her, the real aggression set in. Daine learned to fight for herself, both physically and verbally. The teasing had no end, if not being picked on about her looks, it was her thing with animals (although Daine was always sure to request it of a neighborhood dog to chase the bullies home).
         Daine was an odd little girl, but that sure didn't stop her from learning everything she could about magic, though it definitely scared her away from people, and made her a bit timid in nature.




→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.
Note: This section is optional, and is up to you to complete.

House Request: No preference!

Personality: Daine is a generally kind girl, she prefers the comfort of animals to human, and is known to always have some creature treat in her pocket for a passing sparrow or messenger owl. Now, don't let her Snow-White type veneer fool you though. Her tongue is as sharp as barbed wire, and while she often uses this as a defense mechanism, there is no doubt mean words will burn into her mind for a long time after. Once you get past all the bristles and spines in her personality, Daine is a truly loyal and caring girl, and will defend her friends with fists if need be.


The most surprising aspect of her personality is definitely her nurturing side. While most of her ways towards humans can be considered sarcastic, disinterested and uncaring, Daine will let her friends cry on her shoulder all night if need be.


Appearance:  Daine looks as small and sweet as a china doll. With a sweet, heart-shaped face and big brown doe eyes definitely give her a "Little Red Riding Hood" appearance. She is very tiny, reaching only about 4'10, and this often singles her out from her peers, most who are going through growth spurts. Daine's skin is a light tanned color, with freckles covering every square inch of her cheeks and back. Her teeth are white, but a little buck-toothed, and her hands are always immaculately clean (with the exception of her fingernails, which she bites out of nervous habit). She is not dancer-skinny, but isn't chubby either, with full cheeks, and powerful legs, many would think her no older than 10.





→ SAMPLE ROLEPLAY.
Please reply to one of the Sample Roleplays below.


Daine desperately wanted to play Quidditch.


She saw every single game, watching with painstaking focus on every single move every player made. She had never been on a broomstick, and the flying lesson proved a failure, she had gotten on thinking it would be like riding a horse, only to find it more like how she would imagine riding a tiger.

<Even if you could fly, they'd never let you play> She thought to herself, and that was true, she was first of all, a girl, which wasn't forbidden, but definitely questioned, secondly she was small, very small. Even the Seeker of her House Team looked down at her by at least half a head.

When she had mentioned to the Quidditch Captain about her eagerness to play, they had merely laughed it off and said the moment she fell a few feet from the broom, she'd shatter like glass. Now this made her angry, and she so desperately wanted to prove them wrong. So she trained, in secret of course, first years weren't allowed to practice by themselves, and she was too embarrassed to ask anyone to watch her. She'd prove them wrong and show them what she was made of. But first, she needed to actually get the broom off the ground.



→ ABOUT YOU.

Previous Characters (if applicable): None :(
How did you find us?: Searching on Google!! I love RP sites and this was one I just had to try!
« Last Edit: 30/04/2014 at 13:46 by Veralidaine Baeol »

Collin OReilly

    (30/04/2014 at 04:44)
  • *
  • 42nd Battalion - Captain - Head of Nursing Corps
  • C15D10T13S8
    • View Profile
Hello Veraldaine,

Welcome to Hogwarts! Your application is looking great, and I can't wait to see how Daine will get along at school.

Before we can accept you, there're just a few things I'd like you to address.

Firstly, when younger children show their magic by accident, it's usually just little things, like hair growing longer or a book floating. To manage to transfigure something into a live animal is pretty advanced magic and it would be very unlikely that Daine could manage that. If you could please adjust this a little, that would be great!

I'd also like you to have another look at your roleplay response. Whereas your post is looking great, we are actually looking for you to reply to either of the posts below. Imagine if Daine comes across either James or Astrid in the castle - what will she think and how will she react?

Quote
Option I:

Blimey, the Great Hall was packed. It seemed like everywhere a guy looked there was some clown waving around a House banner or yelling about the game.

'Can you believe it?' 'No way!' 'This must be the biggest upset in Hogwarts Quidditch history...'

Stupid Quidditch.

James flopped into an empty seat at the end of the table, shoved an empty plate out of the way, and let his head sink onto his crossed arms, squishing his freckled nose down flat against the tabletop. He wasn't sure why he'd even bothered to come here, since he definitely wasn't hungry. He'd probably never eat again, in fact. He didn'tdeserve to eat. He hadn't stopped in the locker room to change out of his muddy, sweaty uniform after the game either, because he was pretty sure he probably didn't deserve to be clean too; and anyway he couldn't stand to see the looks on his team mates' faces after he blew their chance at winning one of the biggest games they had ever played.

Just one lousy shot. That's all it would have taken. If he could have just got that one stupid foul shot to go through that one stupid hoop, they could have won and he wouldn't have been the biggest blockhead in the entire school.

As if to prove the point, half the people at the next table suddenly broke into a loud victory chant. James pressed his face further into his arms to hide the bright red blotches he could feel creeping up his cheeks. That was it. He was just going to have to run away and move to Nova Scotia. He'd just cost the three-year-in-a-row Champions the Quidditch Cup! How do you ever live that one down for crying out loud? He was only a second year and he was going to spend the rest of his life as 'that dumb cry-baby kid who dropped the Quaffle!'

It felt like every set of eyes in the room was boring into him, and James couldn't stand it anymore. He jerked himself back up from the table and stomped right back out of the Hall the same way he had come in. As he stormed into the quieter hallway outside, he could hear footsteps somewhere behind him. James rounded on the sound and began to shout, his brown eyes shining with tears. "WHAT! Haven't you ever seen a loser before? Why don't you just take a picture!"


Option 2:

“Oh, come now!"

Astrid Bixby’s voice carried down the corridor, the tall blonde girl not far behind. Her interviewee – or victim, depending on perspective – turned a corner and she frowned. They were always soelusive when she needed them. Sure, they would talk as if there was no tomorrow during class, but once she actually needed them to say something, they were nowhere to be found. Gryffindors.

Flustered, Astrid stopped in the middle of the corridor and stared, her parchment hanging limply from her hand. She was a good reporter, really, and she always did her best to make sure that everything she wrote was accurate. She glanced down to the quill, eyeing it with disdain. It wasn’t her fault if her quill misquoted. How was she supposed to know? It made for interesting articles, at least, and if she had misquoted the Head Boy last term as saying he had a love for stuffed animals, then that gave him personality. Astrid sighed.

A pout formed on her lips as she turned away, discouraged. The corridor was mercifully empty, though the doors to The Spellbound – the school newspaper – were ominously closed. Corbridge was a mercifully sweet editor, but Astrid was terrified of disappointing her all the same. She hadto come back with quotes.
Her eyes, blue, trailed her surroundings before choosing a new path, and she turned down a new corridor. A figure was ahead, and her eyes lit up, an impossibly rosy smile blossoming across her lips.

“Hey!” Astrid called, her voice light and singsong. She trotted to catch the person, her shoes clicking on the stone floor. “Wait up! It’s for the paper!” Her legs aided her admittedly poor running, and Astrid gasped as she came closer. “What do you think about serving frog legs at lunch? Some say it’s a delicacy, but others think it’s plain gross.”

While writing please also keep in mind that quidditch captains are actually roleplayed characters at the castle, so it might be a good idea to avoid statements like "the quidditch captain said...", to avoid accidentally powerplaying those characters.

Please rewrite your roleplay response to answer one of the posts above and repost it in this thread, then well be happy to take another look at your application!

Once again, welcome to Hogwarts!

- Collin O'Reilly
« Last Edit: 30/04/2014 at 05:05 by Collin OReilly »
The Wizard's Alliance
SUPPORTING FAMILIES SINCE 1938

Veralidaine Baeol

    (30/04/2014 at 12:06)
  • 2nd Year
  • C2D2T3S1
    • View Profile
(OOC: Thank you so much for helping me improve! :D It means so much!)


ROLE PLAY SAMPLE REWRITE:

Option 1:



       Daine had been sitting along one of the back tables when the loud Quidditch players entered, she liked Quidditch, she really did, she just didn't like noisy, sweaty people interrupting her meal. With a hum of annoyance she grabbed two rolls and a piece of cake and wrapped them in her napkin.
       She was on her way out when a boy stormed past her, Daine was flustered a moment and then irritated at the boy's apparent rudeness. She followed after in quick pursuit, short legs having to strain to keep up with much longer strides.
       The girl had just opened her mouth to say something when he spun around and shouted "WHAT! Haven't you ever seen a loser before? Why don't you just take a picture!". She was about to shout angrily in response till she noticed the wet gleam in his eyes from almost tears. She turned her gaze down to notice he had on the colors of the losing Quidditch team and began to turn red.
       Daine felt she should apologize and offer sympathies for today's loss but no words escaped, which is how it always was when talking to people. Before she even thought of it, she held out her hand, inside it was one of the roles and the slice of cake.
       She gave a small, shy smile, hoping her message was conveyed.



(OOC: is that okay? :) Also, I can go back and rewrite the biography with the Transfiguration of the Cup if needed? :D)
« Last Edit: 30/04/2014 at 13:46 by Veralidaine Baeol »

Veralidaine Baeol

    (30/04/2014 at 12:08)
  • 2nd Year
  • C2D2T3S1
    • View Profile
(OOC: I hope it was okay that I had the thing that "James" said in the previous post

Collin OReilly

    (30/04/2014 at 12:56)
  • *
  • 42nd Battalion - Captain - Head of Nursing Corps
  • C15D10T13S8
    • View Profile
I'm glad I was able to help! Having something accidentally transform into a cup is a much simpler form of magic and would be perfectly okay and also in line with the Harry Potter canon. If you can edit that, it'd be great, and I'll go ahead and get you accepted!

Your roleplay response is looking great. It's perfectly fine to include something someone else said when you write a post, and you'll notice than many people do so when roleplaying. After all, including James' sentences in your post makes it easy to see what Daine is replying to!

A simple way to separate someone else's dialogue from that of your own character can be to either bold it or use italics, but that entirely up to you.

I hope that helped!

- Collin O'Reilly
The Wizard's Alliance
SUPPORTING FAMILIES SINCE 1938

Veralidaine Baeol

    (30/04/2014 at 13:47)
  • 2nd Year
  • C2D2T3S1
    • View Profile
(OOC: Fixed! Thank you so much for helping me! I'm pretty new to the whole idea of rp sites in general and it means so much to meet such friendly people :D)

Collin OReilly

    (30/04/2014 at 13:55)
  • *
  • 42nd Battalion - Captain - Head of Nursing Corps
  • C15D10T13S8
    • View Profile
Miss Baeol,

Congratulations, your application to Hogwarts School has been accepted. Term begins 01 May 2014. Currently, students have gathered at Camp Loki. Your admission is joint for both the school and Camp Loki, and we encourage you to spend your summer there. Should you choose, you may also visit our Elsewhere board via the Floo Network to visit or purchase school supplies. We look forward to seeing you at the School.


Regards,
Collin O'Reilly

The Wizard's Alliance
SUPPORTING FAMILIES SINCE 1938

Tags: