Hello Alysa and welcome back to HS.net!
I noticed that you had applied with this application before, which is fine, but I would love to see you use the information from your previous application as simply a template, rather than your new application.
Alysa has gone through three, maybe four years of schooling at Hogwarts, she has been either living at an orphanage or has been adopted, and all around her there has been talk of war and government changes. How do you feel Alysa has dealt with all of this?
I would love to see you summarize her childhood experience of losing her mother and finding herself wandering through London in the winter until she finds the Leaky Cauldron, and launch into what her life has been like these last few years.
Also, keep in mind that punctuation in your sentences really helps us readers. Alysa seems like such a lovely young girl, and I would hate missing out on her story because I am getting distracted by the lack of punctuation – lack of pauses, run-on-sentences, missing capitalization, etc. Also, don’t forget that we tend to follow a novel-type format, where conversation is tagged by quotation marks. I notice that you already had one quotation mark, so it was likely lost at some point:
Alysa replied Why would i want a picture of someone who yells at innocent strangers your weird mate get over losing its just a game a fascinating game at that but still your life doesn't depend on you winning it so get over it."
This would read better as:
Alysa replied
, “Why would
I want a picture of someone who yells at innocent strangers
? You're weird mate
. Get over losing
, its just a game
. A fascinating game at that
, but still your life doesn't depend on you winning it
, so get over it."
Once you alter your application a bit, simply reply below with the new application and we will take another look. I cannot wait to see what you've planned for Alysa!