We are currently accepting new applications for Elsewhere!

Author Topic: Amber Larson revised b  (Read 1343 times)

Amber Larson

    (19/04/2013 at 19:33)
  • Primary I
  • C2D0T1S1
    • View Profile

Application for Salem Institute




→ CHARACTER INFORMATION.
Name:Amber Larson

Birthday:April 13

Hometown:New York city

Bloodline:
 Pureblood

Magical Strength (pick one):
  Charms

Magical Weakness (pick one):
Divination

Year (pick two):first or second year

Biography: Amber Larson was born eleven year ago to Linda who is a witch and Mike Larson is a wizard they live in New York city ,New York USA. Amber Larson learn to walk and talk at the normal age. She was potty train early. When she was 6year old Amber Larson had a case of dragon pox that her dad and mom help take care of her.  When Amber Larson was three year old and having a temper tantrum she accidentally made book fall from the top of bookshelf with out touching the bookshelf In fact she was all the on the other side of the room. Amber Larson was taught by her mom and her aunt Lara who is also a witch until she was Four year old. At four year old Amber Larson stated attending the Warren Metropolitan youth academy for the gifted for pre K. The next year Amber Larson went to kindergarten at the same school. At the age of Six year old she started first grade. Then at the age of seven she started second grade after that grade amber turn eight an then she started third grade. The next year Amber Larson turned nine years old and then started fourth grade. After her fourth grade year she turns ten years old and the started fifth grade. On April 13 of her eleventh birth day Amber Larson get a letter. Amber Larson is excited but nervous. Her mom is a nurse and her dad is a healer. Her aunt is a teacher. Amber Larson think that her parent are way to over protective and worry to much about health and safety. Amber parent are rule strict about rules and amber dose not agree with her parent on a lot of rules they have other wise she get along with parents. Amber dose not have any bother sister. She has a lot of friend. She is offen happy however she dose have temper.Amber like to read books or be out side smelling the flowers.she also like to go shopping.

[A
→ ADDITIONAL INFOR. MATION.
Note: This section is optional, and is up to you to complete.

Society Request:

Personality:she is warm hearted and friendly. she loyal and trust worthy. she is also carious and gullible. Amber likes since and art. She also likes flowers. She is scared of being bit and or eating something that is poisons. amber is also scared of being hurt badly because she trust the wrong person.

Appearance: Amber Larson is four and 1/2feet.she is proper weight for her height. She has long red curly hair and green eyes. She where a blue dress with flowers on it.

→ SAMPLE ROLEPLAY.
Please reply to the Sample Roleplay below.
amber Larson was siting next to Simon in the libray an was thinking why do you have to  study about mugle civil war away? Amber wonder. Amber Larson said that sounds good to me however I do not what to be acuse of cheating.


→ ABOUT YOU.

Previous Characters (if applicable): none

How did you find us?:goggle




« Last Edit: 14/05/2013 at 04:20 by Amber Larson »

Ophelie Lecuyier

    (19/04/2013 at 23:53)
Hi Amber! Welcome!

Before we can accept your application, there are just a few things to address.

Firstly, can you please expand on Amber's bio a little? It would be great if you could talk about the important events in Amber's life beyond where she went to school - when did she start showing signs of magic? How did she feel about getting her letter to Salem? Is she excited to go away to school? Anything that would give us a sense of her personality would be wonderful. It's hard to sort her without know what she's like!

Also, your application seems to be missing the roleplay sample, which is part of the application template here.

Once you've done that, if you could post a revised version of your application, we'd be happy to take another look.

Thanks!
~ Ophelie

Eirwen Medraut

    (25/04/2013 at 06:27)
  • *
  • Secrétaire Des Admission & Conseiller
  • C17D12T13S9
    • View Profile
Hello Amber! :)

Thank you for taking the time to address the issues Ophelie pointed out. Before we can proceed with your application, there's just a few more things to address.

What Ophelie meant when she asked for a bit more detail in Amber's biography, was details about Amber as a person. It is nice to know when she started school and when she learned to talk, but what is she like as a person? Does she have any siblings? What's her relationship with her parents? Is she generally a happy person? Does she have many friends? What does she like to do in her free time? Things like that lets the reader know more about Amber's person and that makes reading about her much more interesting! :)

As for your roleplay response, what we were looking for was a response to this post:

Quote
→ SAMPLE ROLEPLAY.
Please reply to the Sample Roleplay below.

What were partner projects about anyway?

Simon wasn't a loner, but he loathed any type of assignment that required him to team up with anyone. In his book, the only truly trustworthy student was himself. So naturally, when he'd been instructed to team of with a classmate and turn in a research report on the Muggle-American Civil War, Simon had been rather disappointed.

The library that afternoon was deserted aside from Simon and his partner. Before them lay a plethora of textbooks. Wars: Old and New by Kevin Torvalt. When You Say Civil... by Emma Jean. Each book was old and worn even more than the last. In a way, it was almost impressive that the books had lasted this long and still been put to such good use. Simon figured that there weren't many things for which that could be said.

Simon leafed through a copy of Understanding America by Harvey Wires, sighing heavily as each page flipped over on top of itself. He wondered what the student next to him was thinking. He was thinking that this was a drag. These books were probably boring beyond belief, despite their interesting appearance. The library was stuffy from the heat outside. Finally growing too bored from the text, Simon slammed the book shut and sat upright.

"How about I write the essay and stuff? You can just put your name on it. Sound good?"

Imagine you come across this post on the board, and write a reply to that. What will Amber do? How will she react? What does she think?

Also, please remember to add the detail about her bloodline (Muggleborn, Halfblood, Pureblood or Unknown) as well as picking Amber's magical strength and weakness, so we can put those details on her profile for you! :)

Please address those things and post your application below, and we'll be happy to look over your application again! :)

- Eirwen Medraut

Amber Larson

    (14/05/2013 at 04:27)
  • Primary I
  • C2D0T1S1
    • View Profile

Application for Salem Institute




→ CHARACTER INFORMATION.
Name:Amber Larson

Birthday:April 13

Hometown:New York city

Bloodline:
 Pureblood

Magical Strength (pick one):
  Charms

Magical Weakness (pick one):
Divination

Year (pick two):first or second year

Biography: Amber Larson was born eleven year ago to Linda who is a witch and Mike Larson is a wizard they live in New York city ,New York USA. Amber Larson learn to walk and talk at the normal age. She was potty train early. When she was 6year old Amber Larson had a case of dragon pox that her dad and mom help take care of her.  When Amber Larson was three year old and having a temper tantrum she accidently made book fall from the top of bookshelf with out touching the bookshelf In fact she was all the on the other side of the room. Amber Larson was taught by her mom and her aunt Lara who is also a witch until she was Four year old. At four year old Amber Larson stated attending the Warren Metropolitan youth academy for the gifted for pre K. The next year Amber Larson went to kindergarten at the same school. At the age of Six year old she started first grade. Then at the age of seven she started second grade after that grade amber turn eight an then she started third grade. The next year Amber Larson turned nine years old and then started fourth grade. After her fourth grade year she turns ten years old and the started fifth grade. On April 13 of her eleventh birth day Amber Larson get a letter. Amber Larson is excited but nervous. Her mom is a nurse and her dad is a healer. Her aunt is a teacher. Amber Larson think that her parent are way to over protective and worry to much about health and safety. Amber parent are rule strict about rules and amber dose not agree with her parent on a lot of rules they have other wise she get along with parents. Amber dose not have any bother sister. She has a lot of friend. She is offen happy however she dose have temper.

[A
→ ADDITIONAL INFOR. MATION.
Note: This section is optional, and is up to you to complete.

Society Request:

Personality:she is warm hearted and friendly. she loyal and trust worthy. she is also carious and gullible. Amber likes since and art. She also likes flowers. She is scared of being bit and or eating something that is poisons.she is also scared of being hurt because she trust the wrong person.

Appearance: Amber Larson is four and 1/2feet.she is proper weight for her height. She has long red curly hair and green eyes. She where a blue dress with flowers on it.

→ SAMPLE ROLEPLAY.
Please reply to the Sample Roleplay below.
amber Larson was siting next to simon in the libray an was thinking why do you have to  study about mugle civil war away? Amber wonder. Amber Larson said ‘’that sounds good to me however I donot what to be acuse of cheating.


→ ABOUT YOU.

Previous Characters (if applicable):

How did you find us?:google




* Michael Woods-Taylor

    (15/05/2013 at 22:17)
  • *
  • Maintenance Worker & Freelancer
  • C21D8T17S24
    • View Profile
Hello Amber ^_^

Your application is coming along! I would like to see a bit more narration in your Roleplay response though.

We do have threads that are primarily dialog in nature, but more often the responses and interactions between characters you will see are a bit longer, contain descriptions of what the character is feeling, maybe why they are sporting a mood - happy, sad or otherwise, and sometimes little details about their appearance if that is something that helps set the mood of a moment. It is nice to provide these bits of extra information because it gives your writing partner something to respond to and a world to interact in.

Please set a mood, give us more of an idea about what Amber thinks about Simon and how the boy wants to simply take over. Is Amber secretly happy that Simon wants to do all the work, even though she wants to avoid being accused of cheating? Is she furious that Simon 'might' be implying that Amber cannot produce adequate answers?

If you could add to your roleplay response and reply below, we will take a look at the application again.

Thanks!

-MWT

Amber Larson

    (15/05/2013 at 23:42)
  • Primary I
  • C2D0T1S1
    • View Profile

Application for Salem Institute




→ CHARACTER INFORMATION.
Name:Amber Larson

Birthday:April 13

Hometown:New York city

Bloodline:
 Pureblood

Magical Strength (pick one):
  Charms

Magical Weakness (pick one):
Divination

Year (pick two):first or second year

Biography: Amber Larson was born eleven year ago to Linda who is a witch and Mike Larson is a wizard they live in New York city ,New York USA. Amber Larson learn to walk and talk at the normal age. She was potty train early. When she was 6year old Amber Larson had a case of dragon pox that her dad and mom help take care of her.  When Amber Larson was three year old and having a temper tantrum she accidently made book fall from the top of bookshelf with out touching the bookshelf In fact she was all the on the other side of the room. Amber Larson was taught by her mom and her aunt Lara who is also a witch until she was Four year old. At four year old Amber Larson stated attending the Warren Metropolitan youth academy for the gifted for pre K. The next year Amber Larson went to kindergarten at the same school. At the age of Six year old she started first grade. Then at the age of seven she started second grade after that grade amber turn eight an then she started third grade. The next year Amber Larson turned nine years old and then started fourth grade. After her fourth grade year she turns ten years old and the started fifth grade. On April 13 of her eleventh birth day Amber Larson get a letter. Amber Larson is excited but nervous. Her mom is a nurse and her dad is a healer. Her aunt is a teacher. Amber Larson think that her parent are way to over protective and worry to much about health and safety. Amber parent are rule strict about rules and amber dose not agree with her parent on a lot of rules they have other wise she get along with parents. Amber dose not have any bother sister. She has a lot of friend. She is offen happy however she dose have temper.

[A
→ ADDITIONAL INFOR. MATION.
Note: This section is optional, and is up to you to complete.

Society Request:

Personality:she is warm hearted and friendly. she loyal and trust worthy. she is also carious and gullible. Amber likes since and art. She also likes flowers. She is scared of being bit and or eating something that is poisons.she is also scared of being hurt because she trust the wrong person.

Appearance: Amber Larson is four and 1/2feet.she is proper weight for her height. She has long red curly hair and green eyes. She where a blue dress with flowers on it.

→ SAMPLE ROLEPLAY.
Please reply to the Sample Roleplay below.
amber Larson was siting next to Simon in the libray an was thinking why do you have to  study about mugle civil war away? Amber wonder. Amber Larson said ‘’that sounds good to me however I donot what to be acuse of cheating. evean though amber is worried about cheating she is happy that he wants to do work even though she knows her parent would disapprove. amber is also worried that Simon may think see can not prodace adequate ansewer. she has be use to this in her pervice school however she has ever had to work with a boy before. however she is very trusting and she kind likes Simon how ever she will amit that.


→ ABOUT YOU.

Previous Characters (if applicable):

How did you find us?:google



Eirwen Medraut

    (16/05/2013 at 06:13)
  • *
  • Secrétaire Des Admission & Conseiller
  • C17D12T13S9
    • View Profile

Miss Larson,

Congratulations, your application to Salem Institute has been accepted. Term has begun as of 01 May, 2013 -- please make your way to the school and settle into your new surroundings. Should you choose, you may also visit our Elsewhere board via the Floo Network to visit or purchase school supplies. We look forward to seeing you at the School.


Regards,
Eirwen Medraut,
Head of Humanities, Beauxbatons




Dear Amber,

Congratulations on being accepted to Salem Institute!

As a reminder, please remember that all roleplay responses on the site need to be written in third person past tense, just like the first part of your roleplay response was. That means, "Amber was sitting in the library" and "Amber said ..." are all good and correct, but "Amber is worried about cheating" would have to be "Amber was worried about cheating." Please keep that in mind, and have fun roleplaying!

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact any of the admins or global moderators. :)

- Eirwen Medraut
« Last Edit: 16/05/2013 at 06:15 by Eirwen Medraut »

Tags: