Letters from Home- Filly

[Finn McLaughlin]

1 September

Dear Lily,

Out of all the jokes you pulled on me over the years, this might be the least fun.

First, remember how every morning you'd make us tea, and we'd quietly sit and read the paper, chat, and try to wake up after dealing with the kids trying to overthrow society or whatever the night before? Sei has decided that tradition died with you, and now has what he calls "howling hour", where he plays random animals shrieking and makes me guess them. If I get them wrong, he throws chicken nuggets at me and tells me to "think like an animal", which is great.

He's also found a picture of King Louis VI's crown, and tasked me to find it. He's convinced Louis VI's crown is a rare magical artefact, that it needs to be repatriated to Britian because he has a charter from the Ministry.

A few problems with this- Louis VI lived a thousand years ago. Because he was the French King of France, and he lived in France (before he died A THOUSAND YEARS AGO), I can't exactly just pop over to his house and ask to see his bloody hat, aye?

I also can't repatriate it to Britian because, again, French.

Not that Sei cares. He has, and this is a real quote, "Their founding document has a typo, so its illegitimate.", which it absolutely doesnt. Also, the "charter" is written on the back of a receipt. By him. Signed by Fred.

Fred is fine. Every morning I need to explain to him my progress on "restoring our national treasures", while Sei prepares the chicken nuggets. I owe a slide deck tomorrow, including how the acquisition of the crown will earn Sei a duchy... From the muggle Queen.

Either way, I miss you terribly. Hope you're having fun with the students. If you aren't, feel free to come home and rescue me from the loony bin.

Love always, your favorite brother in law,

Finn

[Finn McLaughlin]

5 October

Dear Lily,

Hows teaching? Hows Demi? Sei has a plot for me to reverse age to go undercover at the school to check on her. The plan doesnt make sense, and is entirely hinged on me drinking a vial of a special potion he has labeled NOT Puddle Water, so I've been distracting him. Its sweet that he misses her.

Everyone here is doing well. Scar implied that Jack might propose to that blonde girl he's been dating, but she is super strict about keeping work secrets secret, so I dont have any clue whats going on. BJ has been on a rampage of throwing my shoes out of windows, then bursting into tears if I summon them, so I need to walk down to get them manually, which makes her laugh.

Because of the time of the year, Bash, Archie, Maeve and I are not on speaking terms for the next 3 days because of the upcoming quidditch draft. People think that its a stupid tradition, but I'm not jinxing my team.

But there are two important things I need to tell you: First, Sei has decided that I need to plan his annual New Years Eve Pajama Jam. This year the theme is "wear your pajamas", and I spent the entire afternoon at St. Mungos while Sei told the healers my brain must be addled for asking crazy questions. It turns out they love taking temperatures every way possible, no matter how much I protested.

His rough plan is invite all his friends, have Des invite all her friends, and go bananas. I asked about catering, entertainment, and a budget, which got me sent back to St. Mungos, but this time they made me stay overnight. To his credit, Sei stayed with me and repeatedly pleaded with the healers to save me. You cant say he isnt loyal.

I also need to admit that I'm trying to convince Scar to move out of London and up to Scotland. I miss home, and the city is so grey it makes me want to boke. With Floo Powder and apparation we can get to work and the Hollow whenever we want, and we'd be able to enjoy the greenery.

But that isn't the crazy part.

Remember my parents place in Helensbugh? Near the River Clyde? If you follow the river south (the opposite direction of where the muggles keep their doomsday boats) about 10 minutes, there is a 5x5 kilometer plot of land zoned for magical development. Because of the Ministries old infrastructure development plan, I'd be able to buy it, build a house for us, build one for you and Archie, build one for Bash, and even build guest houses, including one for Maeve.

I did the math, then redid it long hand to make sure I was right... Then asked our brainy friend to check it, and with a 30-year mortgage, locked in at 2.356%, it was affordable. I'd need to tighten my belt a little, but I'd be in the black still.

It was for sale the week you left for a REALLY good deal, but then it got bought by someone named Ben Franklin. And I mean within HOURS of me finding it. I went to the Ministry to try and figure out who this guy is (because some dead Yank isn't buying land in Scotland), and the picture looks a LOT like Sei. And by that, I mean it looks like Sei with a crooked fake mustache.

Thats the wrong color.

I asked Scar if she could look into it, but shes busy. Greenberg refused because its a conflict of interest, your dad is out of the office this month, and Cherry just looked at me like I was trying to convince her to lend me a dress and tap dancing shoes for a Quid game.

Either way, hope to hear from you soon. I have to go because, ironically, Sei has decided I need to be able to tap dance during howling hour and his new idea- Fishing Frenzy, where he throws fish at me while I'm blind folded and I need to guess salt or fresh water.

He says it'll help us bring in more business, and that I was a prime candidate because fish have fins and my name is Finn, but... I dont see how any of this works.

Love always, your favorite brother in law,

Finn

P.S- If Sei sends you any mail asking the rough weight of the giant squid, ignore him. I've already told him squid aren't fish, but he grabbed Fred and announced that sharks WERE fish, and thus valid for the game.